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The Laws #44

Lashon Hara About A Spouse

It is forbidden to speak or hear lashon hara about any Jew, whether that person is old, young, man, woman, child, or other. Explains the Chafetz Chaim, therefore, oftentimes people make a mistake. They assume if someone is a relative or if someone’s close to me, then it’s not really lashon hara. Explains the Chafetz Chaim, it’s absolutely not true. And he explains that it is as forbidden to speak about anyone else as it is to speak about one’s spouse.

One is forbidden to speak about one’s husband or one’s wife. And oftentimes, explains the Chafetz Chaim, people make a mistake. They’ll go to other people, whether it be their father-in-law or their sister or their brother and talk about their spouse. This is what my spouse did, this is what my spouse said. He explains that this is 100 percent lashon hara. As much as with any other relative, it is forbidden to speak lashon hara about one’s husband or one’s wife.

Additionally, under almost all circumstances it is a very negative thing for shalom bayis. In almost all circumstances, when a husband or wife tells over to other people what happened, it almost never leads to any good. Almost always it adds a lot of strife and hardship to the marriage. If, in fact, there’s trouble in a marriage, a person should go to a Rav, maybe to a marriage therapist, someone who can help and aid. But the idea of telling over what my wife did, what my husband did, et cetera, is absolutely lashon hara. It is very destructive to marriage and is certainly forbidden from the Torah.

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