The Paper Test

Preferably, before the two individuals meet – before there is any emotional involvement

You answer the question:  On paper are they a match

In very broad terms:

  • Are they looking for the same type of lifestyle?
  • Are they in about the same place in terms of religion?
  • Are they looking to build the same kind of house?

These are very broad-brush strokes—they are not highly specific.

In general terms are they holding in about the same place.

Other things to look for on the paper test:

There is much that you won’t find out about the person on a date.

What you should be looking for:

1. What You See Isn’t Always What You Get

Is the person that you meet on the date, representative of who the person really is.

  • Is this person mentally stable?
  • Is there any history of serious illness that might recur and / or have serious implications for the future?

2. Does this person have any major skeletons in their closet?

  • Addictions
  • Trauma
  • Abuse

Not to say that these are automatic “No’s. But they do require clarification

Part of the Paper test consists of calling references

The purpose of calling references is not to conduct a through FBI background check. It is to find out if there is anything about this person that would make him or her incapable of sustaining a healthy marriage. These issues might not surface while dating.

Rules of engagement (When calling references)

  1. Ask people who are going to be straightforward and frank with you. Preferably people who you know and will feel an obligation to protect your interests.
  1. Ask people who know the person well. (Preferably roommates or teachers or classmates who know the person well and for a number of years.)