But I’m Just Not Sure

What happens if you sort of, kind of, feel this person is the right one—but you’re just not sure? What do you do? The first thing you do is speak the situation over with someone older and wiser than you,

Too Smart To Get Married

I got a call from a fellow who said, “Rebbe, you have to help me.” “Sure, sure. What’s up?” I replied. “Well, I was set up with this girl, and I think that I’m going to fall for her.” “That’s

Infatuation Is Not A Sign That She Is Bashert

A young man gets engaged, and his friends ask him, “How did you know that she was the right one?” “I knew it the minute I saw her,” he answers. “I took one look into her eyes, and I was

The Bashert Test

The Bashert test consists of meeting this person and determining if he /she is the right one for you. But this is the mistake that so many people make: The reason you meet isn’t because you are looking for “the

The Paper Test

GETTING IT ALMOST RIGHT Mark Twain used to say the difference between almost the right word and the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug—a mighty big difference. In a similar sense, the difference between the

Bashert Doesn’t Mean That It Has to Be

Imagine it’s Rosh Hashanah. I’m standing in shul when suddenly a loud voice booms: “RABBI!” “Yes…” I meekly respond. “I HAVE BEEN SENT FROM HEAVEN TO DELIVER A MESSAGE.” “Yes, yes. Tell me. Please tell me. What is it?” “THEY

The torah system

What is the Torah system for finding a spouse? The answer begins with the understanding that Hashem wants us to lead happy, productive lives. Hashem wants men and women to create loving, solid homes. And so, Hashem selects the ideal

if it weren’t hard enough

What really makes the notion that a young woman is capable of choosing “Mr. Right” absurd is that it denies a fundamental reality. Hashem created men and women to serve distinct roles, and therefore, He made men and women different.

Matchmaker make me a match

A CLOSE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS When my wife and I were newlyweds, we took up an informal study of marriages. At the time, my parents had a close circle of friends, eight couples who got together regularly. We studied each

Creating mr. potato head

The shadchan says in that singsong voice, “So, tell me, what are you looking for?” And out comes the laundry list. “I need someone who is extroverted, funny, and outgoing.” “I need a woman who is very frum, tolerant, and